That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
