I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My pussy is not your playground.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
