Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
