i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
