you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
