Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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