My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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