this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
