if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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