I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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