im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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