whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
