she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
