What a fucking waste of an outfit
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
