So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
