I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
