Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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