Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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