apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
