I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
