I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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