New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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