but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
