She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
