I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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