On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
