some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
