can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
