He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize