my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
