You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
