I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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