the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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