The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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