Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?

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(678): View more from Georgia

My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.

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(714): View more from California

found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.

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(650): View more from California

Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.

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(936): View more from Texas

You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home

(254): View more from Texas

Challenge accepted.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?

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(614): View more from Ohio

I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.

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