So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
