I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
