i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
