I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
