Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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