gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
