I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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