Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
