she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just forgot I was standing up.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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