i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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