Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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