sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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