you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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