I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
