Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
