He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
