You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he was CRYING into my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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