Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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