how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
