i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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