So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
