We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
