It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
