I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize