Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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