i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
