forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He told me they were just razor bumps!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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