I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
