i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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