We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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