Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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