Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
