Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
